I don't go in for an immediate kill.  I usually wait until I actually see the phone.  Whatever they're reading must be truly absorbing, because I can pounce on them with relative ease.  The best signal comes from a neighbor who knows that his or her friend is texting and realizes that I have become aware of the situation.  They start to elbow or whisper to the person as I approach, telling them to get rid of the phone.  It's great.  I guess I enjoy taking toys from children?

I handed back a recent batch of tests to my third period class.  They didn't do well.  Why?  Because they didn't study!  It's just that simple.  I poll the class to figure out how long most studied to prepare for the test.  My favorite answer is, "I'm gonna be honest with you - I didn't study at all for this test."  Why not?  I told you that it would be worth 35% of your grade!  Sounds important to me!  I told them that they need to put in at least 2 hours of studying for one of my tests.  Everything is brand new material to them and they cannot expect to walk in and know it cold without studying.  One girl asked me a great question:  "Mister, how can I study?  How should I do that?"  Sit down and read the material until you understand it, then read it over again.

I will force them to study and practice by giving them more homework.  I'm pretty lax on homework.  Maybe we're both paying the price because of it?  Anyway, more homework is on the way.

Lecture begins.  I have a bellwork assignment on the board; get out your homework, I'm coming around to check it.  I either informally check homework or I collect it.  I'm big on checking because it's much less time consuming for me to grade, and I was planning on going over the assignment during the period, so there would not be any benefit to the collection of this assignment.  I checked my attendance records, saw that three people were absent yesterday, and I distribute a copy of the assignment to each absence.  Generally, I give them credit for the homework if they pay attention while I'm going over it because, hey, I can be a nice guy.  

The homework was about emission spectra, energy states, and electron configuration.  This is always a confusing topic for kids with all of the different energy levels and sublevels in atoms, so I make sure I spend some extra time on it to give the topic resonance when it comes to bonding.  I begin reviewing the homework.  I take it problem by problem, reading the questions, explaining the answers with words and pictures.  I spent about 5 minutes explaining a fundamental question on the homework.  I get about three questions ahead of it, to let's say question 46, and the PSAT absentee wants the answer to question 43.  I tell her no, that I just covered that for 5 minutes, and I'm not going back over it.  I could tell she wasn't paying attention to me during my explanation.  Teachers observe their rooms constantly.  

She grunts when I deny her an explanation. "UHHHHHHHH (then under her breath) he's getting on my fuckin' nerves."  Her friend turns to her and tells her to quiet down.  I chose to ignore her comment.  She continued, "I just can't take it in here no more."  I wasn't going to ignore that, so I pointed to the door and told her that if she wanted to leave, get out.  She picked up her things and left.  The rest of the class went smoothly and I prepared them for the test I plan to give today (TGIF.)

I decide to call home before this girl gets home with another story, because she is notorious for manipulating the truth.  No answer, so I leave a detailed message on the machine.  I get an e-mail to call the parent back, and I do so after a few tasks I had to complete after school.  Mom answers the phone and we begin talking.  First, it's civil.  She understands that her daughter should not behave in that way.  However, it's my job to teach her daughter and I need to understand that, and it's her daughter's job to learn in school, and if you're not going to give her an education, she's going to fight for it.  "You already got yours - your education - she's trying to get hers."  A quotable quote.  I explain the situation.  Your daughter missed class yesterday, but she was in the building, and it was her responsibility to come see me to get the class materials and instruction she missed after school.  She did not come to see me.  I was reviewing yesterday's assignment, had reviewed a problem for 5 minutes and was now three questions beyond the question she wanted the answer to, so I denied her request because she was not paying attention.

To her daughter in the background, she says, "He says you wasn't paying attention."

"I was mom, I didn't even have the worksheet that everyone else had."

"She says you never gave her the worksheet."

"Excuse me, but she knew what question I was talking about.  So, she had the sheet in front of her.  Two other people were absent yesterday.  I made sure that all of my absentees got the class materials.  She definitely had the worksheet."

"She says she didn't!"

Now it turns into a he said / she said.  I know I'm right.  I gave this girl the stuff at the beginning of class.  The mother begins to accuse me of failure to complete my job as a teacher, so she explains my job to me.  I keep repeating, "Yes, I agree," to all of her "You're the teacher, it's your job to teach her," comments.  She defined all of our roles - my job as teacher, her daughter's role as student, her role as parent.  I didn't need the clarification, but maybe it made mom feel a little better.  I'm stonewalling her, just telling her that I agree with her, and she gets heated, raises her voice and changes the inflection in her voice to assert her dominance over the poor teacher.  

I keep stonewalling, and end by saying, that it's her daughter's responsibility to see me for work she missed and that I do not have time for individualized instruction during every class.  If she needs more attention, she needs to see me after school.  Mom is frustrated by her failure to bait me into a shouting match, and she promptly cuts me off as I'm about to say something, telling me that if something like this happens again that she will be in to see me face to face, and I invite her to come down anytime to discuss whatever she would like or to observe my class.  She dismisses me in her final act of aggression, basically saying, "Okay, goodbye," and hanging up.

Apple, tree.  Never far from each other, are they?  I must have been getting on her fuckin' nerves, too!